Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

I don’t cotton to rapists

It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter

Atheists who said that reading the Bible made them an atheist, how? Literally there are millions of people who read the Bible daily and still believe in God. So why say that? I mean unless you want to sound smart & edgy

When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability

I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity

I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet

How does someone start doing urban exploration?

I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.

Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.

I have a reading level above third grade

Why is every human messed up in some way?

I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write

I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”

Do foreign workers face discrimination in Canada?

I took the same Oath and took it seriously

I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions

I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”

What's your love story?

I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight

I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP

I see through liars

What sexual experience did you have at a highway rest area?

I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”

I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”

I have an acute aversion to scumbags

What shouldn't you Google?

Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones

I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

What are the extra benefits of a smart TV?

I don’t watch or listen to advertising

I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened

It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms

How do I build rapport with anybody?

I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes

I have complete contempt for traitorism

I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

Why are white women not interested in dating Asian men? Are they not attractive to you at all?

I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t

I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center

I can read

If I get served by someone else's papers, am I legally required to inform the person that they got served, or the court that they served the wrong person?

I can count

If someone works for me, I actually pay them

I actually pay taxes

I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard

I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

I understand how hurricane paths work

I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee

I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t

A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

I don’t buy bullshit

I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”

authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday

I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”

I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes

I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup

I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t

I know who the president of Turkey really is

EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is

I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane

I have complete contempt for fakery

I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality

I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says: